Everybody Loves Hiei, except Itsuki
by Demon Hiei's Girl
Summary: [Discontinued]Just as the title says, everyone loves Hiei. But who does Hiei love? Well, it's in the gang's best intrest to figure this out one way or another. HieiKurama, HieiKoenma, HieiBotan, HieiYusuke, HieiShizuru, HieiYukina, HieiKuwabara
1. The gangs' feelings

Everybody Loves Hiei

Rated: T

Standard Disclaimers Apply, as always

A/N An anonymous fan, "We", asked me to do something like this. Well, I will try. I don't know if I'll make this a oneshot or a multichapter fic. I'm not really sure yet. So we'll see how many reviews I get, and that'll determine that. So, what are we waiting for? Let's do this!

_Intro_

**Yusuke and Keiko stood blankly at each other. They were both alone, in Genkai's temple. Yusuke sat in a stool, staring at Keiko, who was facing him as she sat on a couch. **

"**Sooooo..." Yusuke mumbled, breaking the silence. "What do you wanna do?"**

"**I dunno. Whatever other couples do when they're alone." Keiko suggested, sounding bored and looking just as blank and uncaring.**

"**Have sex?" Yusuke replied, sounding so uninterested that it didn't fit the conversation.**

"**Sure." Keiko didn't even look at him, as if this was unimportant everyday news. Yusuke started to get up, but immediately fell back down onto the stool. He was certainly not getting anywhere fast. **

"**Know what? Let's do it later."**

"**Okay."**

**This boyfriend and girlfriend weren't much into each other.**

**Why?**

**Because secretly, they both liked someone else.**

**Only, they both liked the same person.**

**_Hiei..._they both thought solemnly**.

_Keiko's POV_

**It's weird. I have known Yusuke as long as I can remember. All my best memories are with him. But I'm still so unsatisfied. I wonder what Hiei is doing now? I only met him once. Yusuke and I had been fighting, and in the midst of it all, he kidnaped. But if must of found me important, otherwise he'd have taken Botan hostage, right? Yusuke was all into her wasn't he? What I wouldn't give for a moment alone with him. Then maybe I can dump this loser and get with the hottie.**

_Yusuke's POV_

**Damn, how long do I have to stare at Keiko! I keep thinking about all these X-rated images, but none have her in them. I'm debating whether or not to tell her I'm gay. ...or am I bi? Oh well. Either way, I want to screw Hiei, and screw him good. First, I'd rip off his shirt, then I'd flip him on his back, then I'd-----**

_Meanwhile (Intro 2)_

**Kurama walked into Genkai's living room. Kurama sat next to Yukina, who was sitting at the tabled, doing nothing. She was staring off into space, but still looked radiant like always. Kurama decided he would to.**

_Kurama's POV_

**I wonder where Hiei's at. Everyone was _supposed _to meet at this temple, but it seems that he'll be a rule-breaker, as always. But, he's such a bad boy. I _love _bad boys. They turn me on, seriously. If only Hiei wore more...revealing outfits. Yeah. That'd be hot. It'd have to be spandex. And black. Definitely black. With a matching whip! —er...what am I doing! Innocent Yukina-chan is right next to me. And here I am, acting immature like a horny teen. Poor Yukina, having to sit next to such a dirty youko...**

_Yukina's POV_

**He'd have to wear spandex. Revealing black spandex, so I could slap his ass with that matching whip. Oh, Hiei.**

_Meanwhile again (Intro 3)_

**Kuwabara and Shizuru were staring at each other blankly, but for a better reason than Keiko and Yusuke. Staring contest! But they were only lasting so long (5 and ½ hours to be exact) because both their thoughts were wondering.**

_Shizuru's POV_

**Hiei is hot. Really, really, really, really, really hot. Literally, too. His fire attacks make my sixth sense send a shiver down my spine. purr**

_Kuwabara's POV_

**I can't believe it...I think the shrimp is hot. Noooooooooooooo!**

_Meanwhile yet again (Intro 4)_

**Teen Koenma sighed, signaling for Botan to come to his aid.**

"**Yes, Koenma-sama?" she asked, bowing as she came in.**

"**I want you to do something for me." Koenma replied, stretching in his chair. **

"**Yes?"**

"**Kidnap–I mean, summon Hiei to me, please." Koenma coughed, standing up nervously.**

"**Yes..." Botan whispered, bowing again. **

"**And it wouldn't hurt if he was in black spandex, and tied/gagged." Koenma continued, looking especially evil.**

**Botan tried to hide the signs her body was making, showing she was turned on.**

"**Y-y-yes...sir..."**

"**I–uhh—go on now, Botan!" Koenma shouted a little too loudly.**

**Botan rushed out nervously as well.**

_**You pervert Koenma! I'm on to you! But, since you're my boss, I'll retrieve him for you. But rest assured, I'll have my fun with the spandex bound Jaganshi first. You can count on it. And I'll do it in the Reikai Janitor's closet, too, dammit. **_

_Koenma's POV_

**Heh! She doesn't suspect a thing. Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha!**

A/N That was weird, but far from over. If I get reviews, I'll continue. It'll get more into the story then, I promise. But first, we had to introduce the horny crew! lol So review if you want to see what happens to Hiei. ...well, heh, maybe you don't want to! Til then!


	2. Hiei's involvement not that he wants to ...

Everybody Loves Hiei

Chapter 2

Standard disclaimers apply

A/N Yeah, I didn't know how the results would come up if I posted this, but being a lover of reviews, I wanted to give it a shot. Plus, I can never turn down a request. My goal was to get some laughs, and if you did, let me know. I may have some more serious spots, in case anyone wants to see some love action. But as with all my fics, humor seems to poke it's little head. I have an idea on how I will end it, but I could very well change my mind. So let's see how things go. To the fan fiction!

_Intro_

**Hiei, half dead in his bed (futon, whatever), stirred, rubbed his ruby-red eyes, stretched, and awoke. Getting up to the sound of an alarm clock isn't always fun. In fact, it kind of sucks. But breaking it in half with heat vision was fun, nonetheless. (He has heat vision?) Grinning a casual evil smirk, he made way to his closet. At least, while he stayed at Genkai's it was _his _closet. Hiei had made sure everyone was out cold before he came. They were always so..._weird _around him when he did. So, he came when they couldn't witness it and get some peace.**

**His hand had just barely reached the knob, and he had just completed the turn, when out of the closet popped Yusuke.**

**Normally, this wouldn't be so surprising.**

**No, seriously, it wouldn't.**

**But this time he was wearing a black bikini. A _woman's _black bikini.**

"**OH MY GOD! IT BURNS!" Hiei shouted, covering his eyes, and walking backwards, away from the loon.**

"**Now Hiei," Yusuke stated calmly, scooping Hiei's hands in his own, "I know, knowing you and all your 'pride', gives you dominance issues, so I've decided you can be on top if you want."**

"**What the hell kind of rubbish are you yammering about!" Hiei muttered, still trying to back away, fearing for his life.**

**Suddenly, Kurama barged through the door in the same bikini as Yusuke, but was equally as creepy.**

"**Ah! You stole my idea!" Kurama sobbed, running out of the room crying. Yusuke used his will power to hold back a smug grin.**

**Hiei twitched a bit.**

"**Hiei-saaaaaaan!" a familiar voice rang out, entering the room. Yukina, holding a platter with tea and chocolate chip cookies on it, stepped inside, only to be scarred forever.**

"**Yukina?" Hiei mumbled, just as confused as she was. ...or was she?**

**Yukina ripped off her kimono revealing a kung-fu uniform and a black belt.**

"**What the F-ck are you doing to Hiei!" she shouted, skull bashing him.**

"**Yukina–I–" Yusuke mumbled, as Yukina high kicked him out the window, which was unfortunately second story.**

"**Hey thanks." Hiei smiled uncertainly, looking at his twin. Yukina's glare darted to him, but quickly faded into a seductive smile. She ripped off the kung-fu uniform, revealing the black spandex that was so high in demand. (See chapter one)**

"**Umm...Yukina...?" Hiei asked, creeping towards the door. Yukina licked her upper lip, and blocked his way out.**

"**Maybe it's time we had a little..._talk_..." Hiei suggested, shrugging nervously with a gigantic sweat drop.**

"**I don't wanna hear any talk unless we communicating with your penis! Now do me!"**

"**_Well isn't this awkward?" _came Botan's voice as she flew through the (thanks to Yusuke) already open window on her oar.**

"**What do you want?" Yukina hissed, as if she were protecting her prey.**

"**I've come for Hiei. Koenma wants him." Unfortunately, that didn't come out the way she wanted it.**

"**Koenma _wants _him, huh?" Yukina snicked evilly. "Well Koenma can eat me, cause Koenma can't have him."**

"**Yukina, have you taken your medication this morning, cause I think you're suffering from some major issues." Hiei whispered, half sarcastically half not.**

"**Yeah, I'd say so, considering, HE'S YOUR BROTHER!" Botan screamed.**

"**...What?" Yukina gasped, putting her hands to her mouth. "Can it be?" Hiei tilted his head a little, still too afraid to care Botan spilled the beans.**

"**Now do you see?" Botan asked, growling.**

"**...yes...it makes me...WANT HIM MORE!" Yukina shouted, lunging at Hiei, prepared to glomp.**

"**You scare people, Yukina! And I'm taking Hiei with me! But first–" Botan ripped off the black spandex Yukina was wearing (which for some unknown reason to this authoress, she was wearing a clown suit underneath) and tried to shove it on Hiei.**

"**What...the...HELL BoTAn!" Hiei shouted, as she pushed his frame down, and pulled the outfit up. "Is this for Koenma, too? Cause you can tell him to shove off!"**

"**No–this is for me!" Botan grinned, enjoying every minute.**

"**..." Hiei ignored that. "In any case, it ain't gonna fit!"**

"**Like hell! You two are twins, you should be able to wear her outfits!"**

"**WHY WOULD I WANT TO?"**

"**To please me, Snookums!"**

**That, surprisingly enough, didn't come from Botan, but instead, Keiko!**

"**What the hell?" Hiei groaned. See? This what he meant by _weird._**

A/N I guarantee this is the creepiest thing you will ever read. Ever. I hope someone can prove me wrong, but I wouldn't doubt it if it was. Drop a review and tell me if you laughed. More to come, so be patient.


	3. Randomeness to the CORE!

1Everybody loves Hiei

Chapter Three

Standard disclaimers apply

A/N This is chapter three–to anyone who has survived the past two chapters.

_Intro_

**Botan, Hiei, and Yukina stared blankly at Keiko, who was standing in the doorway (naked) holding a package of condoms and a bag of gummy worms. **

**"...Keiko?" Botan whispered. "What the hell are you doing?"**

**"Eatin' gummy worms." she replied, popping one in her mouth.**

**"Damn! You have no boobs! Your, like, way too flat chested to be a chick!" Hiei said in amazement, poking at her.**

**"Ha! I told you you were flat chested, Mrs. No Breast!" Yusuke laughed, climbing up the window. Keiko walked over and pushed him out the window again. But Yusuke used his fairy wings to fly back up.**

**"From you, Hiei, that's a compliment." Keiko said, pushing him onto the bed.**

**"What are you doing?" Hiei asked absent mindedly, and Keiko tugged at his pants.**

**"NoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo!" cried Kurama running in with a battering ram through the already unlocked door. "He' mine, I saw him first!"**

**"No you didn't!"**

**"Yes I did!"**

**"No you didn't!"**

**"Yes I did!"**

**"No you didn't!"**

**"Yeah huh!"**

**"Nuh huh!"**

**"Yeah huh!"**

**"Nuh huh!"**

**"No, actually, he did technically see me first." Hiei said, nodding.**

**"BOO YEAH!" Kurama yelled.**

**"NO! Not like that!" Hiei yelled. Kurama silently wept. Keiko pulled out a whip and whipped off Yusuke's wings, and as he fell he cried. **

**Kuwabara was walking down the sidewalk happily. Suddenly, Yusuke fell onto the pavement right in front of him. **

**"Hi, goat liver gumbo head!" Kuwabara laughed as he pointed to Yusuke's half dead body.**

**Kuwabara looked around, then thought evilly, _I've had to pee since I got here. _He slowly unzipped his pants.**

**"NOOOOOO!" Yusuke cried. Kuwabara started wizzing on Keiko's tulip garden.**

**"What?" he asked.**

**"...never mind." Yusuke grumbled, standing up. "New question: How do I get up there to my Hiei?"**

**"YOUR Hiei? Nuh huh! He's mine!" Kuwabara yelled, foaming at the mouth.**

**"Since when? You HATE Hiei!" Yusuke replied, staring at his doofy friend.**

**"It twas all a secret ploy to hide my feelings for thee." Kuwabara whispered dramatically, rose petals mysteriously falling from no where over him.**

**"Dude, "thee" basically means "you"." Yusuke sighed.**

**"Oh like you know Shakespearian." Kuwabara hissed, walking away.**

**"That was weird." Yusuke sighed.**

A/N ...the last sentence pretty much wraps up the whole fic so far. I give credit for anyone who still likes this fic. I was high when I typed this, and my equally high sister helped. So, this is what we got. Thanks for reading. Drop a review if you still laughed. That's my goal, after all.


	4. The Insanity Continues!

1Everybody Loves Hiei

Chapter 4

Standard Disclaimers apply

A/N I'm SO sorry for the wait. I hope people still care!

**In the midst of the confusion, Botan grabbed Hiei, threw him on her oar, and soared out the window. **

**"COME BACK HERE, DAMMIT!" Yukina shouted after them.**

**"Hiei dearest!" Keiko shouted, behind Yukina.**

**"Sweety-kins!" Kurama shouted behind them, pushing the two women out of the way, and jumping.**

**Kurama, falling out the window, hit Kuwabara over the head, knocking him out. Yusuke, unaware of Hiei's departure and desperate to not give up, used a grappling hook to get to the roof , and swing straight into the window, knocking out Yukina and Keiko as he flew feet first into the window. **

**"Five down." Botan grinned evilly as she flew up, further away from earth and into the Spiritual Realm.**

**"Five down?" Hiei choked out, pulling off the spandex Botan shoved him. Most to Botan's glee (that he took the clothes off) then sudden sorrow, he had underwear on underneath. **

**"Yes, Love, five down." Botan chuckled. "Now, hun, are you sure you aren't hot?"**

**"No, I'm freezing. Partially because I'm in nothing but boxers, thanks to you." Hiei complained. **

**"But you seem _hot_. Are you sure you don't want to take off an extra layer?" Botan suggested desperately.**

**"What extra layer? I'm only wearing one." Hiei barked evilly.**

**"Then take off the one you're wearing."**

**"..." Hiei thought about this for a moment. "But won't I be naked?"**

**"That's the point." Botan smiled.**

**"Then wouldn't that be moronic?" Hiei asked, narrowing his crimson eyes.**

**"Nooooooo. That'd be...wonderful!" Botan sighed blissfully. Hiei groaned.**

**"Are we there yet?"**

**"What? Are you...excited about going?" Botan asked hopefully.**

**"Well, Koenma's gonna be there." Hiei replied. Botan froze.**

**"A-and w-w-why would t-that matter t-to you?" she whimpered out.**

**"He'll treat me normally." Hiei sighed. "Unlike the rest of them." Botan mentally sighed in relief.**

**":nervous laugh: Of course! ...wait, did you say _Koenma_ will treat you normally?" Botan asked, sweat dropping.**

**"Yeah, this is probably a mission, right?" Hiei asked looking up to the deity.**

**"I don't know!" Botan lied. _But I have a sneaking suspicion that he's curious about your manhood..._**

**"Hey, we're here. Steer, woman, steer!" Hiei shouted, tapping at Botan's back.**

**"Okay, Hiei." Botan mumbled as the oar slowed to a stop, and dangled above the ceramic floor that was the Reikai building of Koenma's.**

**_"Next stop, Hell." _Botan whispered as Hiei jumped off and headed for Koenma's office.**

**"What was that?" Hiei asked curiously turning around.**

**"Uh-I said-_That cop has a bell!_" Botan nervously laughed.**

**"Oh. Okay." Hiei replied, turning and leaving again.**

**"This'll be a long evening." Botan groaned.**

A/N Short but sweet...or rather evil. Either way, forgive me for taking too long. Read and review please. Thank you bunches.


	5. To Koenma's office, or the closet of jan...

Everybody Loves Hiei

Chapter 5

Standard disclaimers

A/N Another chapter:-) Enjoy!

**Hiei slowly started to walk to Koenma's office, searching for peace. Botan watched regretfully, unwilling to go any farther in fear of seeing another one of Koenma's "playtime" outfits. Botan shivered. Or worse! He could be playing with his Barbies again! It doesn't get any scarier than that.**

**_But what if–? _Botan shuddered. _What if he rapes poor Hiei-chan? He could be scarred forever! And then he may quit his job as a member of the Reikai Tentai! Then I'LL NEVER GET TO TALK TO HIM AGAIN!_**

"**Hiei." she started. He stopped and turned to look at her.**

"**Yes?" Botan considered her actions.**

"**Wait, before you go there, I have something to give to you first."**

"'**kay." Hiei answered following her back down the hall (this time on foot.)**

**Botan led him as far down as she could. Hiei obviously got bored, and started to whistle. Botan thought it was funny cause she had no idea that he even could whistle! And the end of the long dismal hallway, was a small closet. A small _janitor's _closet.**

"**Here we are." Botan grinned, opening the door slyly.**

"**This is a closet."**

"**Yes, yes it is."**

"**But what could you give me in here?" **

**Botan slammed the fire apparition against the inside wall of the small, closer interior. "_Myself_."**

**X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X**

**Yusuke regained consciousness slowly, then merged upward to scratch his damaged head, underneath his messy raven hair. He slowly wiped some lose bangs from his forehead, sweeping them from the side. Yusuke's moment of beauty, however, was cut short when Kuwabara shoved him off of Yukina, who was surprisingly enough underneath his lousy carcass.**

"**GET OFF THE LOVELY MAIDEN OF ICE, YOU DUMBASS!" Kuwabara shouted angrily. Kuwabara offered a hand to his one time love out of instinct.**

"**Go away!" Yukina growled, swatting the hand away. Kuwabara stood there, stunned.**

_**So much like Hiei! She's so much like Hiei! I can't believe it! What a turn on!**_

**Kuwabara leaned in for a passionate kiss with Yukina. Angry at first, Yukina prepared herself for a Keiko-based slap, but slowed down realizing how much she needed some decent male attention. And when the guilt caught up with her for giving in, she remember how Hiei was having his fun with Botan. **

**X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X**

**Botan sighed heavily. _That was fun! _She thought, while readjusting her kimono top. Hiei seemed kind of dumbfounded still, which made Botan enjoy his presence more.**

_Flashback_

"**What the hell are we doing, actually." -Hiei**

"**-moan- -huff- Uhh..." -Botan**

"**Yeah?" -Hiei**

"**We're...uh...-huff-...playing a game! Yes, a game!" -Botan**

"**...okay..."-Hiei**

_End flashback_

**Botan ignored the memory though. The first stage in her plan was already in motion.**

_**I just hope **Koenma **doesn't want to "play" though. **_**She sighed as she summoned her oar.**

"**Come on, Hiei, Koenma's still waiting for you."**

A/N Okey dokey, then. There's the chapter. Kinda short as always, and a little more in depth than normal, but it'll get better, trust me:-) So, until then! PS review please! Much loves, readers!


	6. Koenma\'s wrath

Everybody Loves Hiei

The chapter after the last one I wrote o.O;;

Standard disclaimers apply

A/N As many of you have found out, I am indeed a pervert. :-) I won't lie about that. And, seeing from all the requests I seemed to be getting over the chapters, I felt some Hiei/Botan time wasn't out of the question. But I finally am updating, so be prepared for the next chapter of ELH!

"**Hiei!" Koenma (In his teen form, of course) greeted, running up to the half koorime. "Glad you could make it."**

"**You summoned Botan to rally me up here, it's not like I had a choice." Hiei grouched.**

"**That's...right..." Koenma mused, spraying on some fancy cologne. "It took her hours to bring you to me. It was only half an hour out of the way."**

"**..." Hiei kept his mouth shut, like he promised Botan he would. "So anyway, why did you want to see only me again?" Hiei's words brought Koenma back from his deep thinking.**

"**Because the others have no sex appeal, you silly!" Koenma chuckled forgetting how dense the apparition was.**

**_He is SO gay... _Botan thought from her hiding place (Koenma's closet.)_He better not try anything, or I'll---_**

"**And that would matter for a mission...why?" Hiei asked, cocking an eyebrow.**

"**A mission?" Koenma muttered, leaving his _personal _thoughts once more. "Yes, well, this is a _special _mission."**

"**Special, huh?" Hiei said, clearly not amused. Koenma climbed on his desk, knocking down all the paperwork, so he could crawl on all fours. Hiei cocked an eyebrow again, still not amused.**

"**For this mission to work, you have to come **over here**," Koenma continued, licking his upper lip seductively.**

**_That sick bastard! _Botan whined to herself.**

**Hiei slowly walked over to Koenma, his hands in his pockets. _Hiei, don't..._Botan thought to herself. Normally, she'd jump out of the closet from which she spied frequently with it's ajar door, beat Koenma with her handy baseball bat, than knock out Hiei, too, and escape. But if she risked being seen by Koenma, she'd lose her job. Or worse, being caught by Mr. Moody, himself...well let's say that he would never "play" with her again. _No more playtime for Botan! _She mumbled, tears filling her eyes. _Wauuugh!_**

**Hiei was now in front of the desk. Koenma, looking not only horny, but extremely excited, braced himself. Hiei moved one hand slowly out of his pockets.**

**_I can't look! _Botan thought, closing her eyes, dirty images flowing through her mind.**

"**AAAAAUGH!"**

**Botan, distracted from her thoughts, looked up in a panic. Koenma was covering his eyes, while Hiei was holding pepper spray.**

"**Serves 'im right," she whispered, still in a daze.**

"**Jackass." Hiei sighed, throwing away the pepper spray bottle.**

"**Whew!" Botan sighed, falling out the closet door.**

"**Botan?" Hiei said, jerking his head around to the deity.**

"**Botan!" Koenma, still blind, shouted.**

"**Uhh...hi!" Botan smiled nervously, a sweatdrop above her head. "Anyone want to play Bingo? No? Then I'll let myself out!" she made a break for the door.**

"**Oh no you don't!" Hiei yelled chasing after her. Koenma wiped away some remainder of spray from his eye. A small, gold glint in Hiei's pocket caught his eye.**

**_A locket! Who knew he carried one of those..._Koenma sighed. _Wait! _He thought further. _Who's picture could possibly be in there? Must be me. _He grinned thinking of his own face. _But if it's not, than who? Agh. I _**_must **find out! By any means necessary! **_

AN Okay, all. There's the chapter. But more importantly, I and my friend **Hiei's Gothic Angel **are writing a more serious (but with humor, of course :-P) fanfic together. It's called Peer Pressure, and chapter one is already up! And if you all love me like I know you do, you'll read and review! ...won't you? If you do, I promise to update this fic way faster! Or maybe a nice long chapter? Is this bribing? Hell yes! But I'm really proud of this fic and hope other's will like it too. Or maybe have some advise on making it better? Hm. Well, I guess I'll hafta wait to find out then. :-) Okay, readers! Until then! Bye!


	7. Kidnapped?

1Everybody Loves Hiei

Chapter 7, I believe

Standard disclaimers apply

A/N Well, I've been spoiling Many Visions, so now it's time for some more ELH action. Let's see who's in Hiei's, dare I say, locket.

**Hiei chased Botan down the hall. Surprisingly enough, when Botan tries to escape, she's speedy. When he caught up to her, he grabbed her by the collar, and pulled her in front of him. At least, long enough to cuff her wrists with a rather tight grip.**

**"Don't tell me you were stupid enough to actually spy on us? Besides, it's not like there was anything to see..." he started, rather calmly actually. Botan used the rare calmness to her advantage, as she quickly put her lips to his.**

**"You...w-wouldn't hurt me, w-would you?" she whimpered afterwards nervously. Hiei glared at her, raising a fist that just happened to be flowing with Makai flames.**

**"Eeek!" Botan dashed again, fearing for her life.**

**"Hn." he sighed. "Maybe next time she'll not mess with Koenma's and my business."**

**Too bad for Hiei that he didn't see the person behind him, who just happened to have a tranquilizer gun.**

**X O X O X O X O X O X O X O**

**Botan, after only a few minutes of running, finally coasted to a stop. It had seemed that Hiei didn't intend to chase her, thus he didn't want to hurt her. At least, not badly.**

**"Why isn't he at least following me?" she wondered aloud. She turned around and headed for Koenma's office.**

**"Koenma!" she screamed, slamming open the door. "I can't find Hi–" To her, well we can't say 'surprise', Koenma was missing. "Where's that dumb ass go?" Her suspicions didn't go to rest when she found tranquilizer ammo on the ground, so she hopped on her oar to fly to the Reikai to warn her rivals so they could gang up on Koenma. I mean, yes they were all rivals, but Koenma was by far the worst. **

**X O X O X O X O X O X O**

**"Not only is he, like, ultra gay," Botan explained to the rest of the group, "but he's also and Ultra Pervert!" The gang looked around at each other whispering about themselves. But the whispered gossip shut itself up as Koenma walked through the door, carrying an unconscious Hiei. Everyone's eyes widened.**

**"You wouldn't be saying anything bad about me behind my back, would you Botan?" he glared evilly at the deity.**

**"Oh, um, Koenma!" she shrieked.**

**"Yo, Pacifier Diaper Baby Boy! What're you doing with Hiei!" Yusuke accused, pointing at Koenma as if to interrogate him.**

**"I came to play fair." the God answered. **

**"PLAY FAIR!" the room echoed back.**

**"That's right." finished Koenma. "It seems Hiei actually does like one of us."**

**"IMPOSSIBLE!" Yusuke shouted. "HE HATES US ALL!"**

**"Even though he knows-eth that we-eth love thee!" Kuwabara shouted, standing up with a tear in his eye.**

**"Kuwabara, if you don't want to got to Hell when you die, I suggest you stop attempting to speak Shakespearian."**

**"...oh...okay-eth..."**

**"KUWABARA!"**

**"Last time, last time, I swear."**

A/N And thus concluded another ELH chapter. Ah yes. This fic really has romantic issues. But oh well! -smiles- We all love it anyway, right? So let's hope the gang can play fair, at least long enough to win the man of their dreams. :-) R & R please!


	8. Gang learns of locket: good or bad?

1Everybody Loves Hiei

Chapter 8

Standard Disclaimers apply

A/N Well, this has gotten far more reviews I thought it would! And at only 8 chapters! Thank you, reviewers! It means a lot! So here's the next chapter!

**The gang didn't stare at Koenma, but rather the unconscious demon he held. No one's eyes lifted from the apparition, which made Hiei the center of attention, not Koenma. Koenma, believe it or not, is in fact the jealous type. **

**"Ahem."**

**The gangs eyes, still not averting, stayed concentrated on Hiei, who was drooling on himself at an incredible pace.**

**"A-HEM!"**

**The eyes of the tentai looked up for a second to meet Koenma's glaring gaze, but lowered to Hiei again.**

**"DAMMIT LOOK AT ME, YOU BASTARDS!" Koenma shouted in his 'ahems' stead.**

**"God, Koenma, just cause you aren't pretty like he is!" Yusuke shouted as loud as the God, glaring at him. Hiei sat up in Koenma's arms.**

**"PRETTY!" **

**Koenma, sighing, put more tranquilizer in his system, knocking him out again. Koenma gently placed Hiei on the couch, then turned to the rest of the group.**

**"As I was saying," Koenma started, turning around.**

**"Mommy, I want the duck-y to stop biting me..." Hiei cooed in his sleep. Koenma sweatdropped.**

**"Hiei, don't talk in your sleep." he glared at the youkai.**

**"Mommy, make the gay man leave me alone." Hiei stated, again, still sleeping. Koenma blushed a deep shade of red.**

**"Yeah, gay man, leave him alone." Yusuke laughed. Even Kurama snickered a bit.**

**"That gay man won't touch you again," Keiko whispered comfortingly as she stroked Hiei's hair. Botan glared at Keiko with a little jealously.**

**"Augh," Koenma grunted still a little embarrassed, "As I was saying, Hiei has this locket. And surly there's a picture inside, or why else would he carry it?"**

**Yukina, newly uninterested, laid her head on Kuwabara's shoulder. "What are you implying? That we should open up the locket?"**

**"Well, who ever's in there should rightfully get Hiei, right?" Kurama suggested.**

**"Yeah, Fox Boy, but what if whoever's not in there still wants him?" Yusuke asked.**

**"Well, what's fair is fair. If he does like one of us, it'd be wrong to force unrequited feeling on him," Keiko politely added.**

**"That means there's one of us he likes. Only one. So this is basically a room full of losers." Kuwabara added, wrapping his arms around Yukina.**

**"Doesn't matter. It's not anything new. He hated us all before this locket, so how would it change if he still hated us afterward?" Botan grunted.**

**"Obviously he doesn't hate _us all_," Koenma grinned, swishing his hair like a super model/porn star. **

**"Yeah, but we know who he _does _hate," Yusuke snorted. Koenma glared at the ex-detective.**

**"What are we waiting for!" Kurama shouted. "Let's see who my Hiei-baby loves!"**

A/N Wow. Cliffhanger. :sweat drop: Anyhow, thanks to all who didn't question the incest.I am not a big fan of incest, either! It was only for humor purposes! So thanks for understanding! I think that had to be said. Again, thanks for the reviews.


	9. The next morning

Everybody Loves Hiei

Chapter 9

Standard disclaimers apply

A/N It's been forever and a half before I updated, so here is an update! Yah me!

**The gang all gathered around Hiei, who was still unconscious on the couch. The youkai looked so peaceful that the gang couldn't wake him up, let alone rip the locket out of his hands. **

"**Look," Kurama sighed, flipping his hair out of his face. "Hiei will tell us who he likes when he's ready. And, if anything else, we should at least wait until morning when he's _awake _so we don't have to act so sneaky."**

"**Agreed." the team responded looking down.**

**Deciding to all spend the night where they were, the tentai went off towards their rooms. **

**_Phhbt. Yeah right. I'll sneak that damn thing out of Hiei's grip after all these morons go to bed. And if (for some odd reason) it's not my picture, I'll replace it. No one will know. _The gang thought in unison. **

**- - - - - - - - - -**

**Hiei woke up around one AM. The tranquilizer wore off leaving Hiei hungry. Hungry for waffles. So, Hiei got up off the couch (without even a single thought of where he was who was around him or stalking him in some cases), and went to the kitchen to fetch some Eggos. But Hiei was horrified at the sight of Koenma in nothing but a pink apron.**

"**Dear god!" Hiei screamed. He tried to escape but Koenma grabbed him and said, "Ready for some waffles cupcake?" Hiei gave another loud shriek. **

"**What's wrong goopey bear? Koenma cooed. Koenma was about to kiss Hiei when Botan struck him in the head with her oar.**

"**You disgusting gay pervert!" she yelled. **

**_Damn, foiled again!_ Koenma thought.**

**Botan grabbed Hiei's hand and led him to a bedroom. _Her _bedroom.**

"**Here we are, Hiei! You'll be safe here." Botan smiled happily, patting the bed.**

"**That's your bed." Hiei said blankly looking at the bed.**

"**Yes." Botan replied. "And?"**

"**It's a single." Hiei continued.**

"**No, no it's a double."**

"**Well, whatever, it's still too small. Besides, that would mean we'd have to sleep together." Hiei sighed absentmindedly.**

"**I see no problem with that." Botan grinned evilly. "We won't do anything..." Botan continued. **

"**Damn right you won't!" Yusuke yelled as he slammed she thought. Botan thought as she threw her shirt off and jumped in Yusuke's arm open the door. **

**_Damn! I- huh? _Botan thought as she saw Kurama walking down the hall. _I have an idea!_**

"**STOP IT YUSUKE!" Botan yelled at the top of her lungs flinging off her shirt to make it convincing. Kurama ran back towards the room. Botan then yelled "PERVERT! How could you, Yusuke!" Kurama, now in the room, seeing the 'defenseless' Botan, and the 'perverted peeking tom' in the doorway, threw Yusuke out the window.**

"**I'M APPALLED YOU WOULD PEEK ON A LADY, YUSUKE!" Kurama yelled after his drop. "Now onto another note..." he turned to Botan who smiled innocently.**

"**Why are in here alone with Hiei?"**

"**Just...because...Koenma tried to rape him! I had to protect him! IT WAS MY DUTY! MY DUTY!" Botan shrieked, grabbing Hiei and forcing him into a hug.**

"**Koenma wasn't trying to rape me. He was trying to make me waffles. And I _like _waffles." Hiei growled.**

"**Heh, well if Koenma was involved, I understand." Kurama shrugged leaving the room.**

"**Bye Kurama!" Botan smiled, waving at the fox as he exited. Kurama stopped right after he was completely out of the room.**

"**Wait..." **

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

"**You can put on a shirt now, Botan. Yusuke is gone." Hiei mumbled.**

"**Nah, I think I'll leave it off." Botan smiled seductively. **

"**Okay, suit yourself." Hiei groaned, jumping on the bed, pulling all the covers to his body. "But if you get cold, don't come bitchin' to me." Botan sweatdropped.**

A/N Well, that's all I can come up with at the moment. But I promise to try and update soon! D


	10. The stupidity continues!

Everybody Loves Hiei

Chapter 10

A/N This update took longer than I thought, and I apologize. 90 reviews, huh? Wow! And only ten chapters–that's good for me. Lol Let's see if this chapter will get us to 100, eh? Alrighty, on to the chapter!

**Botan awoke the next morning, cold as she suspected she'd be. Of course, she still had her pride since she didn't put back on her shirt or complain, or even take some of the blanket. Provided, she didn't get anywhere that night, disappointing her greatly.**

"**Today's a new day," she reminded herself, looking at the sleeping koorime. She bent down, about to kiss him (hey, he can't escape this way), but someone beat her to it. Botan's eyes widened.**

"**Kurama! You PIMP! Get out of my bedroom! OUT OUT!" Botan shouted at the kitsune. Kurama, breaking the kiss, looked up.**

"**You already got to sleep with him. Didn't Koenma teach you to share?" Kurama asked innocently.**

"**First things first! ...we didn't get anywhere." Botan sighed. _He's cute but he's dense. _"And secondly, Koenma doesn't know how to share himself, let alone teach someone else how to." Botan glanced again at Kurama, expecting to see Kurama's understanding eyes like he normally did, but instead saw him attempting to kiss Hiei again.**

"**GET YOUR LIPS OFF MY MAN!" she yelled, grabbing Kurama and throwing him out the window.**

**- - - - - - - - - - -**

**After Kurama was treated (it was a...chaotic fall from the third story, even for a kitsune of Kurama's caliber...) And Hiei had his waffles (made by Yukina, for the record, not Koenma OR his creepy apron), the gang met up in the living room to discuss the locket.**

"**Well, uhh, Hiei..." Kurama started. "It has come to our attention that..."**

"**GET ON WITH IT, FOXBOY!" Yusuke shouted rudely. Hiei gave him a casual glance, then looked away and Kurama 'ahem-ed' and countinued.**

"**It has come to our attention that you possess a _locket _of some kind. And we were just...uh...curiously wondering who's picture it was that you put inside of it." **

"**Is THAT what this whole fiasco is all about?" Hiei cocked an eyebrow.**

"**Come on, Hieichan, can't you tell little ole me?" Botan pouted.**

"**Back off, whore!" Keiko shouted. Now everyone gave Keiko a curious glance. Blush heated her cheeks as she quickly averted her eyes from theres'.**

"**What's with all this formal nonsense!" Koenma shouted angrily. "Let's rip the damn thing away from him and find out for ourselves!"**

**Hiei put a protective hand just above the pocket the locket was held as Kurama and Yusuke blocked the still sitting Hiei with their own bodies. Kurama grabbed a rose from his hair as Yusuke pointed his index finger threateningly at Koenma.**

"**Alright, alright." Koenma sweatdropped. "We'll let him continue."**

"**That's right, you creepy bastard!" Yusuke glared, sitting back down, still dangerously close to Hiei. Kurama as well.**

"**Please, Hiei, will you open the locket?" Keiko asked quietly, trying to regain her cool (and possibly her lost honor).**

"**So, you all want to know what's in this locket?" Hiei asked suspiciously. Everyone looked at him with a dear serious face, all anticipation sweating out of there bodies in masses. All of them stood up and surrounded him as he pulled the locket from his pocket.**

"**Well..." he continued once it was fully out. "YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!" **

**Hiei ran to the window with his locket in hand, and jumped out the window himself. Kurama, in a panicked rush, ran to the window and hovered above it's opened state to see what was below it.**

"**Oh dear," he whispered, putting a hand to his mouth, "he landed on his head."**

A/N Don't worry, readers, Hiei is not dead I promise. But alas this short chapter is over. But as soon as inspiration strikes, I shall return! So be prepared, be very prepared. Muhahahahaha! Read and Review, by the way. We might just make it to 100 reviews! Yah!


	11. Chapter who knows what

Everybody Loves Hiei

Chapter who knows what

Standard disclaimers Apply

A/N Whoa...forgot about my fanfiction for a little bit. O.o But I'm back, peoples! Read, review, and then get Luvs! Oh, and by the way, Sensui and Itsuki from the Sensui saga are in this chapter. Yeah, I don't know who's seen those episodes and who haven't. Unless you don't know who they are and their relationship with each other, than there will be no spoilers. :-)

"**His injury isn't so bad," Yukina's soft voice whispered as she healed his fractured ego...I mean head. **

"**Truth be told, it was only a few scratches," Kurama sighed in relief. **

"**But from that high up, shouldn't it have been more serious?" Keiko asked, stroking the unconscious demon's hair.**

"**Not with his thick head." Yusuke laughed, poking Hiei's nose. Keiko swatted Yusuke's hand abruptly away.**

"**As long as he's safe," Botan glared towards Keiko, the jealously lingering in her magenta irises. **

"**Yes, as long as he's safe,"cooed a new voice. Everyone, even the dumbstruck Koenma, turned around to see Sensui (yes, Sensui!) Sitting between Kurama and Yusuke.**

"**SENSUI!" Yusuke shouted. Sensui glanced at Yusuke questionably. "ARE YOU HERE TO PICK A FIGHT?"**

"**No," Sensui explained calmly. Keiko and Botan inched away from the ex-spirit detective cautiously. Sensui smirked and began stroking Hiei's bangs in Keiko's place. This pissed Keiko off, so to speak, but she didn't dare say anything. Everyone was taken aback, and a little pissed by this action. Even Koenma for the first time felt spite towards him.**

"**ARGH!" came a voice from the other room. Suddenly, the door crashed downward, revealing a really mad demon. This guy took "pissed" to a new level!**

"**ITSUKI?" eveyone, save the distracted Sensui, shouted.**

"**Shinobu!" Itsuki growled menacingly. "What are you doing?"**

"**Playin' with the koorime's hair." Sensui cooed matter-of-factly.**

"**What's that shrimp got I don't have?" Itsuki hissed. Everyone in the room gasped in horror at what their ears just heard.**

"**How could you say that about The Great (sexy man beast) Hiei!" Koenma cried, attempting to hug the fire demon. But Sensui pulled his body out of Koenma's reach.**

"**What are you saying, Godling?" Itsuki glared, eyes pointed to Koenma. "That everyone here loves that brat?"**

**A brief pause fell upon the room as the tentai began nodding 'yes' and saying muffles sounding like "Yeah, basically."**

"**Hmph–that's so sad." Itsuki growled, rolling his eyes. "Hell, the author of this fanfiction should just change the title to _Everybody loves Hiei _EXCEPT _Itsuki._"**

"Fine! I think I will!" the authoress shouts, running through the temple like a madman.

"**There. See? Are you happy, Mr. Bad Tastes?" Yusuke scowls. **

"**Not really."Itsuki sighs. "Actually, that was kinda weird." **

A/N And that's all she wrote. For now. :-P Forgive me for taking so long. I'll try and speed it up, but with homework–gaugh. Well anyways! R and R peoples! Bye! -waves-


	12. The Bear

Everybody Loves Hiei

Standard Disclaimers Apply

Chapter 12

A/N Well, lately I've got some interesting reviews. _Charmed One1only _left a rather...rude comment, bringing me down. Then _Animeluv09_ told me they loved me and my work. Not to mention the countless other reviews I got, which made me extremely happy. Either way, any review is accepted, although criticism is preferred to flames. But thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed! I wish I could thank everyone personally, but know that all comments are extremely appreciated.

**Itsuki looked back down to the youkai laying unconscious on the floor with disgust.**

"**I don't see what's so special about _this,_ Shinobu." Ituski glared, looking away from Hiei.**

"**Why, he's just so...Oooh!...perfect!" Sensui squealed, bouncing with excitement. "And just look at those eyes!"**

"**...his eyes are closed, Sir." Itsuki sighed.**

"**Well...his eyelids _scream _perfection!" **

"**...yeah."**

"**:heavenly sigh:"**

"**Puh-lease, Sensui. Like Hiei has a thing for _you_." Yusuke rolled his eyes.**

"**Like he has a thing for _you_?" Sensui asked, pointing an accusing finger.**

"**I know I don't have a thing for _him_." sighed Itsuki.**

**But just then a bear ate Itsuki.**

"**How'd that happen?" Sensui asked, wide eyed.**

"**Who cares. Mr. Party Crasher isn't here to bring down our mood." Yusuke sighed rubbing his temples. "Now Hiei's all mine!" **

**Koenma, got ready to mug Yusuke in attempts to steal Hiei for himself, but when they all leapt forward, Hiei was gone!**

"**Hey, where'd he go?" cried Yusuke.**

"**My poor, poor fire baby!" Kurama wept.**

"**Hiei-kun!" Keiko and Shizuru called out.**

"**Youkai with the lovely eyelids, where did you go?" Sensui mourned.**

_**Meanwhile elsewhere:**_

"**Now you're mine, Hiei-chan!" Botan grinned triumphantly, tying the fire demon to her bed's headboard by his arms. "And none of those creepy losers will stop me! Muhahahahahaha :cough hack: hahahahahaha!"**

_**Back to living room:**_

"**We have to find him! AGAIN!" Koenma screamed in agony.**

"**Yes!" Sensui yelled, jumping up to add drama to his pose, fist in the air.**

**But then the bear came back, and puked Itsuki out, and left itself.**

"**No you ain't!" Itsuki grumbled, picking up Sensui and dragging him out of the room as Sesnui complained, cried, and kicked all the way out of the room like a little kid.**

"**Well," Keiko sighed, "I guess it's up to us."**

A/N O.o Well, that was...weird? But then again, so is this fic. Read and Review, peoples! See ya next chapter!


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